Fix The House, Or Knock It Down

Watching everything going on over the past few months with some of the larger kink/leather events closing has caused some interesting things to happen first of which being that we're fixing the fucking stairs.

Going back a little, when a community/group/event operates while knowing that they have x,y, or z problem but they just kind of avoid said problem rather than fixing it is referred to as having a broken stair/step. It points back to how people in older houses might know to avoid the a certain step because it's wobbly, but people new to the house will trip on it every time because they don't know to avoid that stair.

For years, decades even, kink and leather communities have been able to operate around their broken steps because logistically speaking the communities were smaller. You didn't have social media and the internet to instantly share good and bad information. When you had your 20ish person play party at Master So-And-So's house, everyone knew each other out of necessity to protect themselves, and this familiarity kept the status quo. It was easier to believe that the new person was "dramatic" over Master So-And-So being a predator (after all, it was their home for the party, no house = no party).

Now we're in an age where we can instantly share our good, bad, and ugly with people not just at the same party, but those planning parties on the other side of the world. We have a new generation of kinky adults who have grown up through the #MeToo movement, a resurgence in blatant and violent racism, transphobia, and every other "ism" that we've pledged to tear down.
As Tyesha said "The younger generations won’t accept bigotry, transphobia, and racism as the status quo. It’s not to be swept under the rug or whispered behind closed doors. And there are enough of us to create some pretty magical experiences to replace toxic ones without hesitation."

This is where I'd like to point attention to the recent "reasoning" behind SWLC being closed (the official posting): 
"Some of the very architects of today’s M/s national and global community have been forced into community exile or have chosen it as less painful than unrelenting trial by social media.
Their reputations have been forever damaged, with no consideration for what they painstakingly built over decades for the benefit of us all...
Forgiveness for errors past appears no longer to be an option. It’s as if the death penalty were the punishment for every crime, large and small.”

Let's break this down:
- Architects being forced into exile: No one is forcing anyone out of play parties that doesn't deserve it. Between the casual misogyny, rape jokes, racism, and countless other tasteless behaviors, these things were never ok, people are just finally finding the voice to say so.

- Reputations damaged despite "painstaking" foundation building: This is where a little thing called "Social Capital" comes into play, which is this unwritten currency that popular people get that they can use for their benefit simply because they hold some power/sway/popularity in a group. For example: Master So-And-So creates the first dungeon play party in their home, then moves it into a space and creates the first public dungeon in their city. Master So-And-So now holds a great deal of social capital and people are less likely to believe they could do anything wrong because of all the "good" they've done in creating spaces.For far too long people have been able to go unchallenged as problematic because they hold the space, money, or other resources needed for certain gatherings to take space.
That's starting to change now. You no longer get to hold your age, wealth, class, ability, etc. over the newer and younger crowds simply because you've been around longer or have more than they do.

- Forgiveness being gone and death penalty for all crimes: 1. don't commit those crimes to begin with. 2. yes accidents happen but no one is calling people out over accidents, they're getting called out for repeated bad behavior, patterns that hold weight. 3. to say that people are getting the "death penalty" for large and small infractions is simply a scare tactic. If you're concerned you may have done something "small" and your concern is more about whether you'll survive it than how the victim is, well I'd say that already speaks volumes.


At the end of this all it comes down to the fact that the same ol' shit isn't good enough anymore. No more skipping over the broken stairs or making excuses for bad actors, it's time to actually make our communities safer through action.

If a space/event/group is problematic but it's the only place you get to see your friends, tell someone, make a difference yourself, start a new group, do SOMETHING other than continuing to let your time, energy, and money support things that don't support you.

Fix the house, or knock it down.

"The younger generations won’t accept bigotry, transphobia, and racism as the status quo. It’s not to be swept under the rug or whispered behind closed doors. And there are enough of us to create some pretty magical experiences to replace toxic ones without hesitation."